As the learned people at CBeebies say every week: “Give it up for Monday, OOOHWOAH-HOHO-OOH, Clap your hands for Monday, OOOHWOAH-HOHO-OOH!” And so on. In other words, Monday is a new start. True, it can be a major pain in the hole – and it usually is – but let’s seize it as an opportunity to start anew.
Behold the five aims for this week… Why yes, it is another listicle (#blametheinternet).
1) I will not spend an inordinate amount of time wandering room to room mumbling “Lookit the fucking state of this shitbox” over and over. It doesn’t benefit anyone.
2) I WILL SHOWER (at least three times).
3) I won’t drink during the week.
4) I won’t neck my weekly quota of booze units on Friday and die for the weekend.
5) I will not eat Floor Food.