Mind, Reviews, Uncategorized

Five Children’s TV Characters That Need to Evaporate ASAP

It was going to be “eviscerated ASAP” but the husband thought it was a bit much. Then again he’s not in the house at 9:35am most mornings.

Cbeebies goes on every day at approximately 9:15am to appease the toddler before she heads to bed, and every morning, without fail, I mutter “f*cking Twirlywoos” at 9:35am. Indeed it isn’t for parents, but even with that in mind, it’s just SO bloody out there.

Before we even address the beleaguered bird that lurks behind a rotting wall panel, there’s the menacing of the poor individuals the Twirlywoos are magicked away to in a bid to educate toddlers on “connecting”, “pushing”, “on top of”, etc.

In addition to the sinister knock on the door every episode, there’s the recent introduction of the very important lady.

Loud, isn’t it.

Speaking of loud and random, there’s this pair of eejits…

The only thing more annoying than Pui on the drums is Momo… Or this…

In at number 3, and sticking with Cbeebies, it’s Mr. Cbeebies himself – Justin “I’m everywhere” Fletcher. Listen, I’m not about to take the piss out of someone who enriches the lives of so many children – but that doesn’t detract from the fact that he is everywhere. Something Special… Tiny Tumble… Justin’s House… Gigglebiz… Timmy off Timmy Time… he’s even released an album called Just Party, where he sings his own original ditties along with remixes of Pass The Parcel, Cotten Eyed Joe, and the Macarena.

We’ll move away from Cbeebies because, overall, it keeps me sane of a day – especially as its not riddled with ad breaks every five minutes. Plus, everything is forgiven when they come across with such nuggets of brilliance as Hey Duggee…

In at number 4, we have Paw Patrol. Indeed “Don’t lose it, reuse it” is a tagline to live by, but with the amount of merchandise the cartoon generates predestined for landfill it’s just a tad on the hypocritical side.

Also, and this is obviously nitpicking, but why do they have to dub the characters in English accents when the original is Canadian? It’s nonsensical.

Finally, there’s Dora. On the upside, she’s teaching kids Spanish and getting them to interact with what’s going on within the story as opposed to just sitting there goggle-eyed. But must she SHOUT. ALL. THE. TIME. TUNELESSLY. REPEATEDLY.

I’m with the cloud…

What TV character makes you want to gnaw off your own toenails to shove the shards in your eyes?

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