meals, Mealtimes

Mammy’s Fake Bakes: ‘Nutoka’ Tartlets

Yep, it’s one of “those”superfluous posts.

There’s a playdate en route. By way of preparation, you’ve hoovered halfway up the stairs… and rubbed a toddler toilet wipe around the slimy bathroom sink if (God forbid) someone ventures up the half-hoovered stairs. Then the realisation… there’s zero treats for the impending herd. You’re not hauling everyone to the shops, so you face the kitchen cupboards. All is not lost!

What you will need…
• Bread – fresh, stale, frozen, whatever you have handy
• Toaster
• Chocolate spread; Nutella or nearest equivalent (in this instance Nutoka)
• Whatever “toppings” you can muster – chocolate buttons, the odd Smartie, Jelly Babies, mini marshmallows
• Cookie cutters. OK, I know, I don’t have them either, that’s why I scrambled through the child’s toys to locate the Playdough ones. Failing that, use a cup or ye olde butter knife
• A hyperactive 4-year-old


• Toast bread
• Repeatedly ask the 4-year-old to spread whatever spread you have in the cupboard over two slices of toast without licking most of it off the knife and dunking it back into the jar


• Ignore numerous requests for handwashing / wet wipes while instructing your child to cut out shapes with the cookie cutters


• Repeatedly say “I’ve counted all those marshmallows/Jelly Babies, you better not be eating them” before asking 4-year-old to top the newly honed Toast Tartlets with yet more sugar


• Try not to gag as you enthusiastically snaffle one of the below creations (WARNING: lemon Jelly Babies are GAK on chocolate spread Toast Tartlets)


• Deal with the resulting sugar crash.

If you have no chocolate spread in the house, here are some substitutes: jam, honey, banana, or peanut butter (assuming no one’s allergic. Someone is always allergic). Failing that, there’s always trusty butter with a sprinkling of sugar. Hey, it worked in my day.

In short; while they’re more hassle than they’re worth/diabetes inducing in vast quantities, they will kill 15 minutes and cost nothing to make (apart from the usual level of sanity).


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